Thursday, September 18, 2008

Might be able to let go....

After praying istikhaara a few days ago, I woke up thinking "He's converting and I'm getting married"... just like it is clear as day. I kept praying just in case... I didn't want my own wants and feelings to override what I should be feeling/knowing from istikhaara. I kept trying to keep my mind open, and not to let my overwhelming feelings fog reality. Personally, I think I did well!

So we went to my friend's house last night, just to hang out and talk. We talked about marriage and when it would be if he converted, feelings on family and the home, etc while we were in the car to and from there. It felt so good, so right. When I got home, I was off in my own little space case, not realizing I left my phone in my car. I prayed isha and witr and decided to hold off on my continued istikhaara prayer until I got my phone. There's a text asking me to let him know when I get home. I did (hoping in the back of my mind that it was the call where he was going to say he was going to convert, but wrote that off quickly as my own little dream), and he called.

He said he didn't have much time to talk, his phone was going dead. I could tell he was nervous... which made me nervous that there was bad news. I don't even remember the first part of the conversation, I know it was short. Then he said his shahadah and I was silent.... and in my greatest form, haha, I replied "really?!"... I have been waiting for this for what feels like forever. I can remember telling my friend that he -had- to convert... it only makes sense. If he reads the Qur'an, it is impossible to not convert and I knew it was going to happen all along, but doubting myself all the way. 

I woke up this morning so happy, just on cloud 9... I couldn't believe that what I've been praying for and hoping for finally happened... and just a few days after I prayed istikhaara about it, SubhanAllah. I woke up for suhoor today after missing it the last couple days and had a good suhoor, prayed fajr and even an extra prayer, woke back up around 8 to call my friend and tell her everything. She kept asking me "So does this mean you're getting married?", to which I reply "I -think- so!", with the biggest cheesiest smile on my face!

He chats me when I'm at work, and tells me he is nervous, he wonders if he made the right decision. I don't see him going back on the decision... he isn't one to make a decision like that without an incredible amount of thought about it and being very sure. I can understand though the overwhelming feeling of "what do I do now?"... I was just there a little over a year and a half ago and I studied three times as long as he has. He says he feels sick to his stomach and unstable. I try to say this is normal, but I do worry that it will effect his decision and that he may go back on it... that the changes will be too overwhelming. 

I think it will be okay. I pray that he finds joy and solice in coming to the straight path and inshaAllah we can walk that path together. Even if we aren't meant to walk it together, inshaAllah he stays on the straight path and grows in his faith all the time. 

1 comment:

  1. As Salaam Alaikum Durriyyah,

    This is one of those "feel good" posts. MashaAllah, MashaAllah, MashaAllah.


    I am reading your blog from the beginning :)