Coming around...

Well, my goals for Ramadan started out very aggressive and I was a bit worried that I would not be able to keep the motivation. I have to admit that expecting to do 4 days worth of prayer each day was probably setting the goal a bit high. Alhamdulilah, the first week or so I was able to keep up with this and inshaAllah I can get into a regular routine and continue working to make up for the prayers I have missed throughout the year and haven't been able to make up as of yet. This is only my second Ramadan, but it doesn't feel as much "like Ramadan" as it did last year. I think it is because I am spending most of it alone, SubhanAllah.

Today while praying Dhuhr though, I felt my heart almost shake during Al-Fatiha... it has been a long time since I've felt that and alhamdulilah, it feels good to get back to that. I went through a lot of different religions before coming to Islam and I don't want my interest in Islam to fade like it did with all the other religions. This time though, I know Islam is the truth so inshaAllah that will keep me strong. I wish I knew how to express this truth to others and inshaAllah try to guide those around me to come to Islam. For now I don't feel that the message is wanted by most, and I think it will push people away to talk about Islam when they don't want to hear it.

My patience has been taking a big toll lately also. I don't need to be in control of every situation, but to have absolutely no control whatsoever really is hard to swallow. SubhanAllah, I need to put my trust in Allah and just allow life to flow. I can't stress myself about this, but it is also very hard to keep emotions on hold... I feel like they are escaping more and more lately. The only way to stop that from happening isn't emotionally healthy and I've learned that it can actually be detrimental. InshaAllah this is a test that I can pass... what else can I do?